at first i thought, i shd do really well in my upcoming papers. this thought is abt 2 weeks ago. but now, i sincerely hope tat, i can juz get a pass and get over the papers fast~! those few pieces of papers are getting me mad~! i'm busy & i'm afriad but dun get the wrong idea, dun be misunderstood, though i'm shivering, i am not gg to give up, i am not going to give in. I am going to step into the singapore expo hall to give my best shots~! its quite contridicting, i'm very tired, seriously i am, sometimes i thought, "i wont even wanna try to make myself there" , "i cant see myself there", this is wat makes me afraid. Visualising is very importatnt, once u visualised yourself on that stage, u somehow can pull it thru to there. i learnt this theory from ex-collegues. i dun pray, i dun hope. i told myself, i muz walk all the way there. i know its tiring, but dun ever let urself haf a choice, tell urself tat this is the only way. this is how i make myself to study. "not afriad, not regret." <-- i learnt from ray. he's my inspiration in life, my motivation. he ever told me tat i shdnt make him mine motivation to move on, but to do everything for myself instead for him. but i juz cant do it. i dunno wat will i be today if life without him. he's not a Pastor nor a church mate whom encourage me with words and words. he encourages me with his actions and love. i admire that. i appreciate that. i hope its not too mushy as i juz wanna thank him with my words.

though i haven took a single paper, my "gifts for hardwork" are already awaiting for me. i'm gonna go for a gd trip and buy myself a nice watch. i havent tot of any trip yet but definately, ray muz be with me. watch? i'm getting myself a casio watch. i've eyed on this black round casio watch to replace my Guess watch which 've been accompanied me for the past 3-4years.