i'm in the room of whitey. pure white, just like a storeroom. dun misunderstand me. its actually ray's bedroom. a total of silence, trying to make some noise and communicate with the worst creature i've ever met. no chance. making fool out of myself. really makes me reminded of CKK whom also treated me this way. phobia. wat the fuck.NB is the word which i can come out with. i just hate this feelings. what have i done wrong, my dear lord, to face this kind of creature again. i've put the feelings of fear behind me and now i met with another one. i hate it so much. i wanna be kind to everyone. i'm harmless. but why the treatment is this way. or becox i cared too much or should i just ignore.

i think i give up. its all about the fucking attitude.