life is all about gambling. I quoted it out from the conversation between Ray & Jon ytd. It actually put me into deep thots. I'm thinking back for the whole year, what have i been doing, what decision i've made and what was the outcomes of all.

The thing is that, i've done alot of wrong moves this year which wake me up and made known that alot of things are not as simple as i thot, alot of things are not meant to be. Lets say about gambling. U knew u going to win a card game with the help of a spy peep into opponent's cards, but in the end, u lost when after opening up the cards. The opponent cheated and changed card, which u never know.

You know that feeling.. that kind of winning-losing feeling. I've been feeling it through out the whole year. Tell me what kind of state i'm in now. I'm not someone who will cry for mum and dad for help. Not even Raymond. I always blame it on my luck and fight the war again. Strong? i dunno. Sometimes its rather heart-breaking whereby even your love ones are not with you. I teared at Taka ytd while talking on the phone, i hope everyone give me a break, i dint ask for anyone's support and please, neither do i need anyone's comments. I don't like people to keep mentioning about it and rubbing into my wound. it hurts badly.

The decisions i've made so far is always based on long-term planning. I may not always be making the right decisions as i've said, sometimes things don't go as what i've planned. Things turned bad and its not what i've expected. Don't blame me if things turned out the other way and it doesn't offend u in any way, in any sense. The worst is that all results affected me and me only but why others commented so much to add on to the hurt. I hate it.

I had only 1 meal today, i went to Suntec to meet my mummy2 and my beloved Pearlyn who is getting more adorable everyday. Mummy2 was so fed up with her family on her side and i got to console her, listen to her blah blah black sheep. I enjoyed and happy to share her sorrow. Later den, we went to popular book fair and i grabbed 4 books. lala..

Sandy smsed me and i thot i was dreaming, i think i need some thot about it. It's so totally unbelievable and realy lost trust in frens. I donno. I'm very vex, am very mess, in mind. I will sort this out after i got my things done. I've apologised to Sandy and hope she wont put it in heart.

I'm starting my "Mrs Lim-to-be" illness again that i got myself another book about relationship after the booked i've finished "The five languages of Apology". The book now i'm holding onto is "His Needs Her Needs". I think its essential to read about relationship before i really sign the damn paper. I may not be so understanding which made me got to read more to know about him. I heart him so much that i don't wanna make his life difficult after marriage. Haha. i mean in personality wise. I want him to have a wife he's going to be proud of. I wanna be his stars. I wanna be his only love.