i was like thinking for a moment, "what am i doing here?", "why i chose this path?". god really din wan to answer my questions nor my prayers. Is it a mistake to leave 3months back where i was so insisted and my manager even put my bag back to my desk and asked me not to leave. at the moment i thought i was right but now i'm having doubts. i shd not have been so stubborn, maybe. nvm. though this qns bothers me for long and alot of ppl kept asking me......

i'm here with nice scenery which makes u wanna work here, with the second floor a LCD screen with some players which u can play with or when time comes, a pool table will be implemented. i will upload the beautiful sight i can see here when i got home.

sigh~ its something which u forever wont understand.

Labels: emo, life

am very sad already......enough.....

Labels: emo, Me

"Good things are hard to get; and never last if its easy to get"

Labels: emo, eve

i think the most boring part of life is when your loved ones is just beside you and you do your own things and watch your own movie and his playing with his iphone. happily surfing gps/wifi and you are doing nothing but watching sex and the city.

this entry is basically blog out of boredom and i cant deny.. Sex and the city is the best movie i ever watched that can kill my boredom besides "The Breakup" by Jennifer Aniston. Though SATC is being shot by 4 old ladies but you got to admit that they acted well. ha!

Anyway, Fake-o which ray just called me got to run.

Bye.

Labels: emo, Me, ray

i'm very blessed. i got E to chat with me early morning in msn while he's having breakfast at Maxwell. Damn early lo. someone who always wakes up at 6-6.30am. wah piang. i cant leh. this morning i'm woke up by my fav Jay's singing, how sweet. but i got a very bad sore throat. upset. how come it happens on wednesday whereby my family doctor is not here and been replaced by another part-time de. i dun like. though he's younger but, not my type leh. haha, drama la.

i got people to care about me and i feel warmth and happy. Though i knew most probably it might not last long (which i'm afraid) but as on now, i'm satisfied. i knew alot of things and i feel them. i'm not as blur as all have thought, in fact, i'm very sensitive. To hold or to let go is another story. i always tell myself to treasure wat i have now, no matter be it people or things, it doesnt matter, wat matter is i treasure and value them. As for P, i do treasure him. E told me i'm still young la, got to think before doing. The world is unfair, the world is full of crude and the worst is, i cant have two. 24 this year and i'm still lost in jungle, i still lost to reality, i lost to cruelty. Seems like i really got to get away for some time to think about wat is my next big step of life.

Yesterday was great, spending my time with P and i really had a good mind rest and really had good laugh ever since i went for the customer visiting in the morning which they "bom-ba" me like siao. i really had big headache. The accountant is super ya-ya papaya. cant stand her. so fat and ugly still ya-ya with me. tmd.

i got back ache. very bad. need massage. alright, i really complain alot in early morning but blogging is the only way out leh. i cant probably call my friends where they are still fighting for cash, things like that. i only can blog to pour my feelins out.argh.. shoulder ache comes and goes. make me feels like an old lady. i think its time to really...............stay at home and do nothing. ha. i will be most glad to do so. no housework pls.

CSandra is coming back and shall we gals meet her up for a good night or whatever. IT's being so long since i last saw her lo. Starting from 31st Oct. Do sms or leave comments to discuss where to meet her and when shall we do it? Dinner? Club? Pub? KTV? I wonder if she still keep in touch with Chinese songs, haha. like FM 93.3.... U.S might not have it hor. haha... Well, we shall check into our schedule and find the most appropriate timing. Organising job will leave it to Eve la, which is for sure.

Well, thats all...about today... :)

Labels: BFF, emo, Me

this is wat i am today..

You feel drawn out too tightly between your personal needs and your social obligations. It might be harder than usual to pull off a balance, but if you persist, you can figure something out.

Labels: emo, Me

to the best of my ability, i'm able to handle the stress and problems faced. i hope you do understand, i'm facing stress too and i hope complaining of problems stop here, i hope..pls do me this favour.

Labels: emo, Me

i knew alot of things done by my friends in the past. i learnt to accept and move on. the greatest hurt i receieved was from my galfrens and not my mate, surprisingly. as now, these frens are hurt but i will never believe that they will receive the hurt i got during my school days. well, lets not brood over it, lets not talk abt the past, lets not, let's not continue from history.

i've got a few frens, link in my blog that its only opened to invited guests only. sorry, frens, if it was in my blog, of cox, i'm the invited guest. dun ask me why, wat, how izt like tat. its just privacy of my frens. of cox, till now, i cant find a good reason to lock my blog as i always put trust on my viewers / friends. there's nothing i do that i cant show it to the world outside. my ex-frens whom are not my frens now, my ex-bf whom are not even frens now, my enemy whom are my frens now, alot of r/s changed. well, i'm happy abt wat i'm getting now and been treated now. i'm satisfied, easily satisfied.

i cried just now and i'm at lost. maybe its the stress, maybe its wat i heard affected me. very much i wanna make things up.

this week gonna be hard and rocky... i'm just feeling scare.......

Labels: emo

i was not supposed, i guess, to complain about my job. yes indeed! i got a great boss and nice colleagues. just that alot of little little craps i didnt look into. i kept thinking that this month i had hit my target! i closed 2 deals which hit my first comm but little that i knew that comm will only come if payment were collected. wtf. den how do i judge? if i managed to close (customer chop sign on quotation), we issued invoice, it doesnt mean i get my comm. If i billed them on aug, some payments were collected in sept, some collected in october, does it mean i will still get my comm for month of august or boss will say, sorry, the payment must come together THEN will consider hit quota. NB. i cant think much nw and i think that i'm starting to hate my job. i cant announce, i supposed to have some pride and show everyone, Eve can do it! well, i still can tahan the shit i'm getting in job, customers i met, un-loved r/s treatment. i cant complain much as there are still ppl looking and starring at me, looking at which day i will quit my job and go back to SiS, getting dump by hubby, got no more $$ to do manicure, no more $$ for branded. its like wat haf i done to come into this stage?

Yesterday this taxi uncle asked me "why u work so hard, its 3plus and u yet had ur lunch". yes uncle, i knew. its something u didnt know. . .

i managed to see daddy2 and happy that he got strong will of living and using his loud voice to scold a BMW sales rep. i miss his scoldings. he just bought a BMW 5series just to pamper himself. *all i wan is a Gucci bag" omg. well, of cox i got shit from him as usual, lectures and scoldings, watelse, i'm always not good enough. jack of all trades. i just feel like telling him, i had hard time but i cant. i hope one day god will appreciate my hard work and give me my sky of rainbow.

its the last 2 papers of my final year and nothing shd goes wrong. NOTHING. i pray hard to lord, i must pass this 2 papers. i got lots to do, to achieve in life. the very next is driving licence, daddy's changing his car again! Vios is coming in september :( he's tempting me more and more lo. damn it!

Labels: emo, Me

i've been touching the nails everywhere i go. from yesterday till today. wat's wrong. i'm damn pissed off.

The story of the Drama - Queen's --- "Nvm, That's not all"

Yesterday
i happened to read my sms at 7am that the group assignment of CPM, the gantt chart is yet to be printed out. so i on my notebook to get it done. Den in the afternoon, i carried the super heavy laptop to my customer place which is at Kallang Distripark. There's no cab, it was so hot and the sun is shinning as if i've owe "it" something. i carried all the way and walked abt 1km road. under the sun for 30mins-40mins is killing me. i'm dying somehow. nvm! so i managed to get a cab to funan and the uncle eat me 40cents, thats not all, by the time i reached funan, its already 4pm, i've yet to take my lunch. nvm! tats not all. my xiao ma said to meet me at Raffles instead of funan, i refused and called off the meeeting, i supposed to shop with her for her printer ink. nvm! wats more. i took a cab from funan, waiting there for 15mins (it was 4.45pm when i reached taxi stand), the NB taxi uncle stopped by the side of taxi stand waiting for 5pm to charge the 15% more. TMD. anyway, i took it. although it can be claimed but i still buay-song. i took the cab from funan to Kovan, he drove a big round. cost me $20. fed -up. with the super heavy laptop i'm carrying, i walked from the tax stand opposite heartland mall to the hawker behind heartland mall. u know how tired i am?! i had a bad dinner also with my parents cox the food just now wat i wanted. Then, went for praying. nua there for 2hours and went home. Wat's more when my hubby is not home when its 11pm and still hanging outside, refused to pick up my damn call, he just got shit out of me. too bad! alright, i didnt shout at him but i explained the whole situation that if his female colleague got shit from work, i also do! it's not my bloody issue that he was having some discussion with his colleagues and refused to sms nor answer my call. nvm. i din really wanna pick on him, its just a day of shit, shit and more shit.

Today. GREAT day i had.

i went to this Joo Seng rd, met with customers whose boss is super fuck up. i feel. maybe he doesnt mean it but i feel offended. i presented what the software can do and i went off as i din wish to stay a second longer. and i took a cab to bishan for the second appt which is at Jalan Pemimpin. I went Coffee Bean for breakfast, had a great meal, nice chat with Mel, Leeny and Uncle Sim, i went over to library for longer chat as laptop went low batt. i walked 2 rounds of level 3 and finally found myself a seat and a plug. as i didnt notice a signage on the table, i actually wanna change my seat and moved my laptop to the table, its actually meant for reading newspaper only. i din have a chance to lay my laptop and a lady looked at me and said " This table is meant for reading newspaper only, so u can go back the seat where u came from" i was like, i feel like slapping her. nvm, not her fault, i didnt read and notice. its being a donkey years since i came to library. i dint really wanna blame the aunty, just tat, wats wrong with me. i'm just so sway for everything. tell me more man! now i'm blogging here and hopefully there's nothing wrong sitting on a comfortable sofa seat though without table. i'm glad enough.

it's really nothing like before. wats wrong and wat went wrong to mine luck and fate. it is just everything is leaving me behind and i had a hard time managing everything in life. my manicure chipped off. sad. my minnie mouse mouse's rubber dropped off and cant use anymore. my life is in a mess. i hope everything back to normal. from r/s to work to life, everything just gone..

Labels: emo, Me

i've attended a wedding without love, this year, 2nd time. i kept thinking that adult world is really too cruel, too messed up.

today i attended one, at Conrad. not bad hotel but poor banquet. it was hubby's best buddy, he dint seem to look happy as a groom. his wife a thai. he broke up with a galfren lasted 7years and supposed to wed this april. broke up early jan this year. suddenly he announced to wed this thai gal. omg.

i think i cant go to this kind of wedding anymore. it's a pain. it's a torture. it's saddening.

Labels: emo, Me, raymond

faithful... how u judge this word?

Labels: emo

i haven't been really seriously blogging recently due to the cranky mood i'm having. i feel so bad after i "te-kan" raymond while on the other side, he's facing a bad situation. i cant deny how worried i am for him and all this worries that i had, he didnt seem to see and put me in last of his mind. i admit i shouldnt flare but here i go "If i'm only a choice in your life, then why should i put in priority?" I know i must be mad, and his reply, he was sad too. i'm sorry i hurt you, hubby.

i read someone's blog (whom i don't know) and it's about the NS guy who died in Brunei weeks ago becox of heatstroke and this blog belongs to his gf. I cant describe my feelings which really hurt lots and reading the entry which the gf waiting for his return and it was 4days before his actual return date. The gf patiently waited and missing him so much. Here he's gone. I cant say how much hurt i felt after reading this entry but anger filled me more. I hate reading this kind of articles, not becox it's abt sadness. I agreed that every guys should attend the military training but yes, they are there for training, not for death. Have been reading quite alot of this cases and i feel sad for their parents and loved ones. This is not the way. And if it is, then, do not grumble about our population is not there and got the least give birth rates in the whole world. You had kill your own people. Whats more to say. I shdn't penalised the government but i think its all the officers who are involved in this kind of trainings and they always find ways to "te-kan" the guys, i agreed u can do a lil' but by doing this far and cause death is so unfair, wat are they? They are not criminals nor your slaves. They don't have to answer to death. Why so? You guys got to rmb, every human here has family and their parents, everyone here is made of blood, so u think if u are some officer big shot, big deal. I hate signed on sometimes, narrow minded. straight like log. self-centred. I'm sorry if u were one of them, but if u think are not this kind of signed on ppl, den i'm not talking abt you.

I got so much of heart-felt words. Sorry, i'm really down.

Labels: emo, raymond

i had a fruitful week, i've been attending classes so far and starting to think about my final year project also. this week going to end soon and next week the last. I've planned to move out my things this saturday, which is tmr, with ray's help as there's lots things to move. Just 2 cushion is alot liao. a pair of heels, slippers, accessories..etc.....haha. how come i can move so many things here. i dunno. And also my pink keyboards and mouse..haha. love it.

I should try to take a picture, before and after. ha. will try la.

I'm looking forward to the 2weeks break and seriously, i'm packed again. I'm sad that i haven't got the chance to put in an appointment date for leeny yet. I'm trying my best, dear, defintely there's a chance.

My mood is full of ups and downs recently but work is not affected in any ways. Things which cheer me up is really about chit chatting with frens on msn, talking to resellers, having lunch with fellow colleagues and walk ard the office. how boring but fascinating.

Has been non-stop working for 3 saturdays and it is just getting on my nerves. Arghhhhhhhhh..

Am looking forward to MET too~ when ar???

Labels: emo, MET

today's topic : where's my smiLe?

very nice of christine - giving me my first smiLe of the day with cheezels. *touched.

very nice of Liying - offered me pocky strawberry

am very happy that finally it's confirmed and it's a sense of relieved. really.

sadness, i have, not as much as happiness. the missing of fellow colleagues shall remain in my heart.

i'm waiting for someone special to give me the best smiLe of the day =)

am planning vacation already. anyone joining?

Labels: emo, life, Me, raymond, vacation

i've watched "The Breakup" the 2nd time thoroughly and do you know that this movie is shot straight after Jennifer and Brad broke up. i dont know how they have got over this r/s and if i were Brad, i think i will broke down and cry. it showed how devoted Jennifer has been in a relationship and how strong she has moved on in the end. It's really touching. i wonder how many people can get over relationships like that and give a smile when you see your ex again. Maybe i can.

Labels: emo